It has been a few weeks since I’ve even attempted to write anything. Some of it has to do with poor time management on my part. The bulk of it, however, is that I haven’t been in the happiest place over the last few weeks. My stress level has been up and my overall mood has been pretty low. The littlest thing will turn into a psychotic monkey flinging poo all over my day. I think that this funk I’ve been in has to do with a personal realization I’ve had.
I’m probably not alone in this, but I have come to the conclusion that I have a very strong love/hate view of people. This is different from what I though I believed, or from what many of my friends have told me I project. But honestly, I think I’ve been fooling myself.
I want to like people. I have always told myself that I do. But I now think it would be more accurate to say I like the occasional person. In fact, it’s safe to say that there are a few people I adore and will do anything I can for. But the rest of the people out there? At best, I am neutral until given reason to feel otherwise. At worst, be thankful I don’t have the Force and can’t psychically choke you. People quite often, and I include myself here, suck. We treat each other awfully. In my professional life I am constantly reminded of that. Maybe that’s part of the problem. I deal with the general public too much. I need to find a line of work where I just don’t habitually deal with people. I wonder how a person breaks into grave digging?
I guess my real issue comes back to the fact that there are people I know who are quite wonderful. An individual person can be remarkable. And it make me have hope. Then I come to the realization that this is an exception, not the rule.
My girls are growing. I don’t want them to feel this way about the world. So how do I help them become the exceptions? Is it just about putting on a show for them until they’re adults? I want them to be amazing, loving, good people. But I’m sure that has to be a common desire for parents. So do parents just habitually fail? Are my wife and I just doomed to add to the population of assholes? That can’t be the truth. I have to hope I can do better.
There we go. Minor rant over. I will try to write about something silly the cat does next time.