Tag Archives: sex

Fluffy judgement

I am being stared at intently. The look says, “You are being judged. I have found you guilty.” I hear this in the form of an inner monologue that sounds like the daughter of Ralph Wiggum and Eric Cartman.

This is what I think goes through the fluffy little mind of Pepper, our neurotic cat. That, and “I get more food now?”

Despite the fact that I’m clearly her favorite human, I find myself often the subject of her judgmental stares. Realistically, I know she’s just being a cat and they just stare at things sometimes. However, it really does make me wonder if I’m not living up to some feline standard. I can’t be the only cat parent who has experienced this.

I will be sitting having coffee. I look over and see Pepper, and I can almost hear a sigh of disgust.

She’ll be watching the kids from atop the safety of a couch and stare at them. She is clearly thinking, “Lousy, scary baby things. Always trying to touch me. You’ve ruined my life.”

I’ll be laying on the couch and she will leap on top of me and settle herself down, staring at me. “I’ve decided we’re having forced snuggles. Don’t fight it. This is your purpose.”

And yes, my wife and I have experienced the awkwardness that is having sex and realizing that the cat is in the room. This is probably the harshest of all Pepper criticisms.

“Ugh, you’re doing that stupid rubbing thing again. I hate it. Also, pretty sure you’re doing it wrong.”

Pepper, you’re lucky I love you.