Tag Archives: pie

Before the coffee kicks in- the “it has mostly replaced my blood” edition

I haven’t done one of these in a while. My kindergartener is off to school. Her little sister is busy being three years old. The cat it hiding and my wife is getting ready for a pre-work appointment. I am trying to plan out the day’s errands and finding my brain is uncooperative. So the time has come once again to sit my ass down with more coffee, open up this blog, and write down the thought poops that drop out. So here we go.

Sometimes I think the cat is part owl.

Sometimes I think my children are part Chihuahua.

When did being intelligent start becoming a liability?

I need more fun socks.

I want to know why I have dreams about fighting for my life.

Where can I learn how to sew?

My wife looks really cute with glasses. And without glasses.

If my feet were hairy I would actually be a hobbit.

Has anyone actually tried to use a banana as a boomerang?

As a kid I wanted superpowers. As an adult nothing has changed.

If another species develops opposable thumbs and higher reasoning we’re screwed.

Someone should bring me pie.

What age will my kids be when they realize I have no idea what I’m doing?

I think my country should be called the Dysfunctional States of America. I’ve never known it to be united and doubt I ever will. Not necessarily a bad thing.

A hovercraft really isn’t practical for everyday use.

Am I going mad or is this just me getting old?

This is where I am going to stop. My thoughts are starting to become more coherent and that signals the end. Plus, I need to get my daughter ready to go buy some cat food. For the cat, not for my daughter. Though both my children have tasted cat food at one point. It was a learning experience. Enjoy your day.

 

Run down into fall

It has been a few weeks since I’ve tried to write anything. I can’t make no excuses other than it’s been hard to make myself sit down and take the time. Still, I have to admit there have been contributing factors.

My stress level has been super high, which in turn messes with controlling the depression. It can be exhausting having to fight your own brain. The external factors of working hard for not enough money, which I’m aware is a common problem, has kept it difficult to find a moment to really breath. In addition, social media has been a kind of curse for me lately. I am easily prodded by my environment and the constant craziness and level of asshole I am encountering blows my mind. Basically, the unfollow button on Facebook is my new friend. Finally, I have just been trying to survive the summer weather. Hot and humid is not my idea of fun. All of this together has made me want to go dig myself a little hole and not tell anyone where it is.

The arrival of fall is something that at least helps with one of those crap piles. The weather is slowly becoming more manageable and, for me, more pleasant. I like when we start having those autumn days when I can throw a long sleeve shirt over a t-shirt and be comfortable. No need for a coat yet. And if it’s too warm, I can lose the layer.

This is my favorite season because I really like fall things. I like when the leaves change color. I happen to enjoy apple cider and pumpkin donuts. Also, I’m a fan of both things in pie format. And next month, we come to Halloween. Probably my favorite holiday even if I don’t get to participate much anymore. My kids do. My preschooler has had her costume picked out for most of this past year. Hazel from the show “Little Charmers” is currently being crafted by my mother-in-law.

So does any of this change things for me? Not in the big scheme, I guess. Fall doesn’t add to my finances. Colorful leaves don’t make things better for my family. Apple cider doesn’t cure depression. Halloween doesn’t make people easier to deal with. But for little bits at a time, these things make me feel kind of happy. Maybe that’s what this post is about. Just to serve as a reminder that there are things that help, even if only for a little while. And I keep going. For my wife. For my kids. For myself. I keep going.

No place to hide

Let me make something clear, in case there is any doubt. I absolutely love my kids. To paraphrase Christopher Moore, I love them more than pie. They are my babies and I will do everything in my power to make sure they are happy, healthy, and good people.

I sometimes wish they would leave me the fuck alone.

That’s terrible, right? But I swear there are times when I think my head is going to blow up into tiny pieces because I can’t get away from all the noise. Or the being used as a jungle gym. Or the constant need to search me out if I go into another room for just a few minutes. I think I may have mentioned it before, but I can’t even poop in peace!

I know my wife has the same feelings, but she at least has the option of free time after the girls go to bed. I work second shift so when I get home, it is bed time for me. Then they are usually up with the sun and we’re up with them. Sometimes, I get a little cranky after all of this and I start wishing for a break that I know just won’t come.

The real kicker is that I know, one day, I’m probably going to miss this. The day is going to come when my girls just really aren’t going to want daddy around that much. I will have lots of time for quiet and I will spend it thinking of the days when Phoebe and Zoe were small enough to want to use me as a couch. So I try to look for a balance. I want to be there for my girls as much as they need me to be. I also need to be true to my own personality. I am very much an introvert and need to recharge my “interaction program” now and then. I’m no good to them or anyone else if I’m they human equivalent of an alligator snapping turtle. I just have to know that I need to be patient because that time is hard to get right now.

I will drink an extra cup of coffee. I will go to therapy. I will apologize if I lose my mind and start wishing for an invisibility cloak. And I will do my best. I will never be perfect but I will be the best I can for my family.

Still, that invisibility cloak would be pretty awesome.