Tag Archives: men

To my fellow nerds, I say, be better!

I am reaching out to a specific group with this post. I want to talk to the men and women of geekdom. If that is you, I ask that you please pay close attention to the following plea.

Ahem…

Geeks, dorks, countrynerds. Lend me your ears!

We have lost our way. We were supposed to be the nice people. The ones who accepted the bullied and the underdogs. We were supposed to be the ones who encouraged learning and tried to build confidence in each other. And if someone wanted to be part of our community, we didn’t chase them away.

What happened?

I’m seeing far too much nastiness in the geek community. Admittedly, this is a problem that is present all over society. I don’t know what the big answer is, but I can at least try to talk to those with whom I should have some common ground. So I am addressing you, my people. I speak to those of us who have at some point been punished for loving the things that we do. That is the common thread of those who have earned the geek and nerd tag. We got shunned or called names or physically attacked. In many cases, it was a combination of these things. But things have changed and it’s a little more mainstream. You can love sci-fi and fantasy, comic books and games, cosplay and computers and science and mythology and all kinds of stuff. It’s not 100 percent ridicule free, but it isn’t seen as that unusual either.

The problem is we’re attacking each other now. We’re being our own bullies. It needs to stop. We can all do better.

What happened to the whole idea of treating people like you want to be treated? It’s bad enough that so much of the larger world tends toward nastiness. We don’t need to get sucked up into that shit when it comes to geek culture. We don’t need nasty cliques in the cosplay community. We don’t need online trolls attacking women and kids from behind a gamertag. If someone posts some fantasy-themed artwork or a picture of themselves in a new costume we need to be supportive. Don’t rip apart their work. Don’t mock the artist’s technique or choice of subject. Don’t body shame the cosplayer or question their “nerd cred” on the character. If being kind is too difficult then try silence. You don’t like what you see? Fine. Move along. If you can’t be supportive, don’t be destructive. There is no need to harm anyone.

Is it because the old stereotypes blended? Are people angry because you have athletes that like comic books and nerds who watch sports now? Hey, I’m the classic sports-hating nerd and I’ve got no problem having friends who are football fans. We aren’t the authority on which person gets to like what fandom!

I think we can be better. I know we can! We are a small portion of humanity. If we can’t fix our own shit, how can we expect anything else to get better? So please. Try harder. Be kinder, smarter, more accepting. Be the nerdy, geeky champions I know we can be. Humanity needs us to be better. The multiverse needs us to be better. We need us to be better!

That “F” word

Welcome back, folks. It has been over a month. I was going to try to make a return in small steps, but screw it. I’m pissed and I have a little ranting to do.

All right, people. I’m not the best person to do this but I’m giving it a shot. Here it goes. Being a feminist isn’t a bad thing. I’m ashamed to say it took me some time to admit this, but I’m more pissed that there are still people who don’t understand that it’s not something bad. It’s about people getting equal treatment regardless of gender, not man-hating! This isn’t to say that there aren’t women who treat men like dirt. There are and those women are assholes. THEY ARE NOT FEMINISTS. They are simply assholes. Vaginal assholes, if you must, but assholes and nothing more.

Now I’m trying to be better about being an active ally. So if I catch people being assholes (and it’s mostly “bros”) to women, I make a point to call it out. The response tends to be that I’m either trying to get laid or a social justice warrior or white knight. Fine. I’ve been called plenty of names that were much worse and I’ll survive. But it’s not okay that this is an issue. It’s not okay that my friends get cat-called or my wife has men telling here she should smile more when she’s at work. It certainly is fucking ok to make death threats when a woman doesn’t want to listen to your lame pick up lines.

Why is this pissing me off so much right now? For one, there is no reason anyone should be treated so poorly or have to be scared so much. All lot of people want to pretend these problems women have aren’t real. I never thought it was as bad as it is, until social media came along. The scum really seems to come out now. Also, when women get stereotyped it hurts men too. Why is the most common way for guys to insult another man something in the vibe of “Stop acting like a girl” and such? Why do fathers taking care of their kids get compared to babysitting as opposed to just being a parent?

What is particularly important to me is I have two daughters who are going to grow up someday. I do not want them dealing with this shit. There is a lot of scary crap going on in the world and this is a big part of the problem. Feminism is something that can help, but it’s been dragged through Hell by a lot of gross talking heads over the years. People are afraid of it. They don’t need to be.

This probably wasn’t the best subject for my first post after a hiatus. But anger is a motivator and I’d rather be constructive with it if I can. I promise I will talk about silly kid things and nerdy stuff again soon. But like many people, I’m tired and angry about a lot of things. This is a big one. And we need to start owning it and not ignoring.