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We are grown ups

My wife Lisa and I are both in our thirties. We have our hobbit-sized home that we pay the bills for and try to keep somewhat clean. We have our two children and one weird cat that we feed, love, and do our best to keep alive. We both have jobs that pay us in legal currency.

So I guess we are grown ups? Is that how it works?

We have more meals that include some form of leftover than ones that don’t. My wife has, in the past, thrown her back out and will get heartburn. I have joints that ache. I’m sure, like many people, I am carrying around more weight than I really should. Yet on nights off from work, I will still shove ice cream into my stupid face.

We are grown ups.

My kids are growing up faster than I want them to, but I can’t wait to see the kind of people they become. Unless they are jerks. Honestly, the idea that my kids will turn into some of the assholes that I encounter on a daily basis terrifies me. Lisa and I are doing the best we can to make sure they are functional human beings. I really want them to be good people. Yet I will lay down at night and think of the things I probably fucked up on that particular day. I do this kind of worrying almost every night.

We are grown ups.

There are days that I don’t shower or put on real pants. My wife still laughs whenever one of the girls farts. I will walk around the house singing about what I happen to be doing at the moment. Or singing about the cat. Or the kids. There are lots of stupid songs that happen in my house.

We are grown ups?

My wife and I stress each other out. We could probably be the basis of a crappy sitcom or reality show. We will always say we love one another, then in the same day say something stupid we can’t take back. We have gotten in some of the dumbest arguments that any couple could possibly have. Then we apologize and try to move on. We both love our family and work hard at it. We are a team. We are friends.

We are grown ups.


Escape routes

I live in Massachusetts, which like many places is getting repeatedly slapped on the ass by winter. This has caused quite a bit of cabin fever for folks I know. Myself included, if I’m being honest. I’ve heard the phrase “I need a vacation” pretty frequently.

The weather has also impacted my workplace, causing it to be busier and higher in the stress department. Someone inevitably says the same thing, at least once a day.

I need a vacation. I just need to get away. I need to escape.

Now of course, the reality is that a lot of people just can’t snap their fingers and be on vacation. Some people can. Good for you. I won’t pretend I don’t envy that a little.

Then there is a little thing that I’ve seen show up on the old Facebook feed. I’m not quoting it directly, but it boils down to instead of wishing for a vacation try having a life you don’t need to escape from. I don’t remember exactly where I saw that. I’m sure it was meant to be one of the motivational things we all share on occasion. I will say this, though. To anyone who really feels that way.

You. Are. A. Liar.

Sorry but I don’t buy it. As different as people are, I have never met a single individual who has a life they don’t need an escape route from. If you really think you do have such a magical existence, perhaps you’d be interested in buying this magic rock I have that repels flying alligators. I’m happy to sell. Name your price.

I happen to think there are a lot of great things about my life. I’m married to a very smart, very cute woman. I have two gorgeous little girls that I adore. I have my own home. I have a few other things going for me too. But do I have stuff in my life that sucks? Yeah, quite a few things. And if I want to get away from those things, then that’s normal.

I read. I play video games. My wife and I try to have people over for D&D or other tabletop games regularly. They aren’t big expensive vacations, but they are still escape routes. Would I love to go on a big vacation? Sure. But it will take some planning and saving. And the financial gods aren’t always with us. In the mean time, I try to enjoy what I have and am allowed to want a break once and awhile.

I’ve also begun to notice that the ones who claim to have “magic lives” seem to take a lot of vacations or weekend getaways. So basically, your life is one big attempt to run away from something? And I’m not allowed to want to catch a break from mine? Like I said, you’re a liar. Fuck you with a cactus that has a spider on it. I hope it gets stuck and you and the spider have to be roommates.

To the rest of you, remember that we can take the little vacations. We have our tiny escape routes. And yeah, they don’t last. No vacations do. That would make them everyday life. Which is what you take a vacation from. Confused? Yeah well, maybe you need to eat more whole grains or something.  I’m not a doctor.