Tag Archives: change

Shampoo Cycle

Change kind of sucks. Even if we’re the type of person who likes the idea of constant change, it’s rarely comfortable. So we get into habits to avoid it. We develop a system and apply it to stressful scenarios. In the past few weeks, we’ve seen multiple areas be destroyed by hurricanes and yet another mass shooting. And we treat them like we’re reading the instructions on a shampoo bottle.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Something horrible happens. We express horror and sorrow. We offer prayers and words. We but heads when the idea of actions to help prevent a reoccurrence are introduced. Tempers boil over and our collective stubbornness kicks in. We argue and insult.  We ultimately do very little. And then something terrible happens again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Hope is becoming harder to maintain. I sometimes feel like I’m one of the few people struggling with this, which I realize is foolish. So many are fighting right now for their own sanity. Technology for communication has advanced so far and yet we’re losing the ability to make a connection. Honest, intelligent discourse is becoming so rare we thank people when it actually happens.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I’m trying. I don’t have much money, but I’ve made small donations that I hope will help. I’m reading more information to improve my understanding. I keep looking for common ground with the people who, in my heart, I know are good and just have different values. I’m trying to call out the people who are just so far gone over into cultish behavior, because we are accountable for ourselves. In that respect, I’m doing my best to make sure that I’m accountable for what I do. But I’m only one human. I know I’m intelligent but I’m also aware that I’m flawed.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I was thinking that if I tried writing these feelings out in a new post perhaps, in the process, I’d come up with solutions. It doesn’t seem to be working. I’m really doing little more than venting, perhaps with an inflated notion that there’s anyone who wants to know what I have to say. Well, I don’t really know what else to try. I’ll go about my life as best I can. I’ll take care of my kids. I’ll feed the cat. I’ll go to work. I’ll watch Netflix with my wife. I’ll try to maintain the relationships I have. I’ll go to therapy. I will try to make sense of the giant mess that we as humans are.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

 

 

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Sometimes it is people

Let me begin with an understatement. Things are a little screwy in our country right now. Actually, there a little screwy in the world as a whole right now.

I think I’m probably not alone when I say I’m torn up when it comes to interacting with my fellow humans. We are social creatures and even the most reclusive of us need some interaction, even if it’s through social media. But for much of the past year, I find that being interactive and informed is giving my mental health a constant kick to the crotch. Seriously, just sitting down to write this has taken a few days of personal pep talks.

With all due respect to those of you with religious convictions, I am not a person who has ever gotten much comfort from an almighty anything. If it helps you, that’s cool. I agree there are things in the world that are hard to explain. But I’m someone who needs to put his faith in other things. Sometimes science, sometimes karma, sometimes nature. Sometimes it’s just Occam’s razor.

Sometimes it is people.

This is the one I struggle with the most. People, as a whole, are really hard to put faith in. An individual person is a little easier, but it’s also riskier. It hurts more if the individual fails you than the group.

So why do it? Why put any faith at all in people? We are prone to being greedy. We are easily scared and tend to react negatively to fear. It seems we are increasingly unlikely to listen to each other. So why do I even try to bother with people at all?

Because every now and then, I’m reminded that people are potential. People are capable of just as much good as bad. People are change, which is a crazy thought in itself since we can be so resistant to changing anything. Yet we continue to change, for the better or the worse, and we’ll continue to do so. Things will become amazing. Things will become terrible. This is due to the choices we make as people. And in the big scheme of the multiverse none of it matters. How crazy is that? Space and time continue while so many of our societies have fallen apart. But people continue to be here. We continue to move and make noise and try to make ourselves have significance. We continue to put on pants. Why is there any significance to pants?!? People made it so! Holy fuck!

It’s hard to remember this, but people give me hope. Not all the time. We like to pay attention to bad things. Frankly, negative is usually louder. For someone like myself, it doesn’t take a lot to send me into a swan dive towards depression. But a few times a week, I get a little reminder. Maybe it’s something my family does. Maybe a stranger is just unexpectedly kind. Maybe it’s just a really good cup of coffee or an amazing song I haven’t heard in a while. All these things involve people making a moment happen. Sure, I need to get away from other people to recharge my energy. That doesn’t mean I want a Twilight Zone, last man on Earth scenario. I want people to exist in my world. Even if it means I have to deal with the scary ones.

So sometimes, I have to put my faith in people. I think it’s worth it.  If I’m wrong, I guess there is always good old-fashioned voodoo.