Before the coffee kicks in — the “I drink too much caffeine” edition

I am consuming yet another coffee this morning. My kids are distracted because “Wallykazam!” is on. He’s a little magic troll who teaches words. Get with the times, people. Ah, screw it. Here’s some things rolling around in my cranium.

Apparently, my cat will actually chase a mouse if she sees one. Can’t catch it, but she’ll chase it. We always thought she’d be afraid of one.

Phoebe started preschool. Beware, society. She’s loose.

Zoe likes to run around with her giraffe blanket on her head. I know how she feels.

I’ve barely started The Shepherd’s Crown. I’m afraid I’ll cry. I hate that we lost Terry Pratchett.

If someone has a wedding at an aquarium, do the penguins serve as the catering staff for the reception?

Pumpkin donuts have returned. This bodes poorly for my fat ass.

Bananas are not nature’s boomerang. I know this from experience.

Why won’t birds do my bidding? I figured at least ducks would have my back about now.

I have a hard time keeping in touch with people. I try, but I get wrapped up in dumb stuff. That doesn’t mean there aren’t people I miss.

Why are so many people worried about the zombie apocalypse but not the robot apocalypse?

I need to control at least one of the classic four elements. Someone make this so.

Can we all stop pretending that we’re smarter than we actually are? Can that just be a thing now?

Pudding makes lots of things better.

This is all I’ve got. I also need to try to get Zoe to take a nap. So I must re-engage daddy mode. Enjoy your day, world, and try not to trip.

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