No place to hide

Let me make something clear, in case there is any doubt. I absolutely love my kids. To paraphrase Christopher Moore, I love them more than pie. They are my babies and I will do everything in my power to make sure they are happy, healthy, and good people.

I sometimes wish they would leave me the fuck alone.

That’s terrible, right? But I swear there are times when I think my head is going to blow up into tiny pieces because I can’t get away from all the noise. Or the being used as a jungle gym. Or the constant need to search me out if I go into another room for just a few minutes. I think I may have mentioned it before, but I can’t even poop in peace!

I know my wife has the same feelings, but she at least has the option of free time after the girls go to bed. I work second shift so when I get home, it is bed time for me. Then they are usually up with the sun and we’re up with them. Sometimes, I get a little cranky after all of this and I start wishing for a break that I know just won’t come.

The real kicker is that I know, one day, I’m probably going to miss this. The day is going to come when my girls just really aren’t going to want daddy around that much. I will have lots of time for quiet and I will spend it thinking of the days when Phoebe and Zoe were small enough to want to use me as a couch. So I try to look for a balance. I want to be there for my girls as much as they need me to be. I also need to be true to my own personality. I am very much an introvert and need to recharge my “interaction program” now and then. I’m no good to them or anyone else if I’m they human equivalent of an alligator snapping turtle. I just have to know that I need to be patient because that time is hard to get right now.

I will drink an extra cup of coffee. I will go to therapy. I will apologize if I lose my mind and start wishing for an invisibility cloak. And I will do my best. I will never be perfect but I will be the best I can for my family.

Still, that invisibility cloak would be pretty awesome.

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