Monthly Archives: February 2015

Escape routes

I live in Massachusetts, which like many places is getting repeatedly slapped on the ass by winter. This has caused quite a bit of cabin fever for folks I know. Myself included, if I’m being honest. I’ve heard the phrase “I need a vacation” pretty frequently.

The weather has also impacted my workplace, causing it to be busier and higher in the stress department. Someone inevitably says the same thing, at least once a day.

I need a vacation. I just need to get away. I need to escape.

Now of course, the reality is that a lot of people just can’t snap their fingers and be on vacation. Some people can. Good for you. I won’t pretend I don’t envy that a little.

Then there is a little thing that I’ve seen show up on the old Facebook feed. I’m not quoting it directly, but it boils down to instead of wishing for a vacation try having a life you don’t need to escape from. I don’t remember exactly where I saw that. I’m sure it was meant to be one of the motivational things we all share on occasion. I will say this, though. To anyone who really feels that way.

You. Are. A. Liar.

Sorry but I don’t buy it. As different as people are, I have never met a single individual who has a life they don’t need an escape route from. If you really think you do have such a magical existence, perhaps you’d be interested in buying this magic rock I have that repels flying alligators. I’m happy to sell. Name your price.

I happen to think there are a lot of great things about my life. I’m married to a very smart, very cute woman. I have two gorgeous little girls that I adore. I have my own home. I have a few other things going for me too. But do I have stuff in my life that sucks? Yeah, quite a few things. And if I want to get away from those things, then that’s normal.

I read. I play video games. My wife and I try to have people over for D&D or other tabletop games regularly. They aren’t big expensive vacations, but they are still escape routes. Would I love to go on a big vacation? Sure. But it will take some planning and saving. And the financial gods aren’t always with us. In the mean time, I try to enjoy what I have and am allowed to want a break once and awhile.

I’ve also begun to notice that the ones who claim to have “magic lives” seem to take a lot of vacations or weekend getaways. So basically, your life is one big attempt to run away from something? And I’m not allowed to want to catch a break from mine? Like I said, you’re a liar. Fuck you with a cactus that has a spider on it. I hope it gets stuck and you and the spider have to be roommates.

To the rest of you, remember that we can take the little vacations. We have our tiny escape routes. And yeah, they don’t last. No vacations do. That would make them everyday life. Which is what you take a vacation from. Confused? Yeah well, maybe you need to eat more whole grains or something.  I’m not a doctor.

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The people funk

It has been a few weeks since I’ve even attempted to write anything. Some of it has to do with poor time management on my part. The bulk of it, however, is that I haven’t been in the happiest place over the last few weeks. My stress level has been up and my overall mood has been pretty low. The littlest thing will turn into a psychotic monkey flinging poo all over my day. I think that this funk I’ve been in has to do with a personal realization I’ve had.

I’m probably not alone in this, but I have come to the conclusion that I have a very strong love/hate view of people. This is different from what I though I believed, or from what many of my friends have told me I project. But honestly, I think I’ve been fooling myself.

I want to like people. I have always told myself that I do. But I now think it would be more accurate to say I like the occasional person. In fact, it’s safe to say that there are a few people I adore and will do anything I can for. But the rest of the people out there? At best, I am neutral until given reason to feel otherwise. At worst, be thankful I don’t have the Force and can’t psychically choke you. People quite often, and I include myself here, suck. We treat each other awfully. In my professional life I am constantly reminded of that. Maybe that’s part of the problem. I deal with the general public too much. I need to find a line of work where I just don’t habitually deal with people. I wonder how a person breaks into grave digging?

I guess my real issue comes back to the fact that there are people I know who are quite wonderful. An individual person can be remarkable. And it make me have hope. Then I come to the realization that this is an exception, not the rule.

My girls are growing. I don’t want them to feel this way about the world. So how do I help them become the exceptions? Is it just about putting on a show for them until they’re adults? I want them to be amazing, loving, good people. But I’m sure that has to be a common desire for parents. So do parents just habitually fail? Are my wife and I just doomed to add to the population of assholes? That can’t be the truth. I have to hope I can do better.

There we go. Minor rant over. I will try to write about something silly the cat does next time.