Cats and kids: an observation

I have two little girls. Phoebe and Zoe are pretty much the primary focus of my life. I also have Pepper, the neurotic, Prozac-taking, not super bright cat. My wife and I got her during our first year of marriage. She is 7 years old now and, with a few exceptions, is pretty much terrified of anyone that isn’t one of her human parents/servants. This includes the children. I am firmly convinced that Pepper thinks they want to eat her.

In defense of my children, Pepper is a little bitch even with the level of stupid she possesses. I kind of see her as the cat equivalent of Amanda Seyfried’s character in “Mean Girls.” I feel bad that she doesn’t want much to do with the girls. In defense of my cat, Phoebe and Zoe are loud and make lots of sudden movements. Not the favorites things of any cat I’ve ever met. Also, the times Pepper allows herself to be pet do not often end in her favor. A tail or some fur gets pulled and she is back to fleeing in terror. She’ll be in the same room as Phoebe and Zoe but that is about as far as it often goes.

It’s a shame, really, since they all have so much in common. In fact, I’m constantly seeing similar behavior patterns in the cat and the children.

All three, cat and girls, constantly demand food.

All three seem to be compelled to have random things end up on the floor.

You can give any of them toys, but they will probably be more excited about the box it came in.

They all seem to share the need to suddenly be in the next room for no reason. Zoe still only crawls, but she feeds this need as well as Pepper or Phoebe.

None of them have any problem with daddy cleaning up their poop.

I’m starting to think this is some kind of elaborate plan. But whose plan could it be? Is my wife secretly training them to be some kind of cute little spy squad? Is Pepper smarter than she lets on? Or am I just sleepy and seeing things that aren’t there? Eh, it’s probably all three.

 

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